Loneliness and contemplation

Recent circumstances have forced me to commit to spending time alone, and being still.

This is not something I like to do. I am usually afraid of what I might discover about myself, afraid of the insecurities and flaws that lurk within me. Afraid to face lack of closure and resolution on issues that I would rather not think about.

Yet I know I need to be alone. If any kind of inner renewal is to occur (and I badly need some of that), I need to rediscover myself in the light of a God who gently but firmly explores those parts of us that are normally kept in shadow. I need to be honest with myself. And that is the hardest kind of honest to be

It occurs to me that despite all my superhuman efforts at being a good father, advocating for justice both in NZ and overseas, and loving and serving my friends and family, the bravest and most difficult thing I have ever had to do is sit still long enough to experience that kind of loneliness that no human being can remove.

Sacred space… the final frontier. Wish me luck.

“Be still, and know that I am God”

– Psalm 46:10


~ by humblemonkey on November 25, 2008.

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